Harness your kid's drive for mastery
Use what video game developers know about motivation to help your kids succeed
Parenting Matters #102
By: Catherine Lynch and Glenn Collins
Dear Awesome Parent,
Does your kid like video games?
Silly question.
Of course they do.
Or they went through a phase where they did.
And it’s no surprise. Video games are super stimulating. The lights, the sounds, and the interactivity. All of those combine to create an experience so engaging it’s hard to put down.
But there’s another aspect of gaming that taps into a fundamental human drive and makes them truly addictive:
Mastery
In his book Drive, Daniel Pink claims that Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose are the three main drives that fuel human motivation. He defines Mastery as: “the desire to continuously get better at something that matters” (And, like it or not, gaming matters a lot to our kids). He observes that we all “love to get better at stuff”. We get great satisfaction from progress and accomplishment.
The video game companies know this and deliberately create games that tap into it by incorporating:
Challenges. There are lots of challenges you need to overcome to finish a level or win a game. Some are easy and some take a skill you need to develop.
Increasing difficulty. The game levels or competition gets harder the further you go. It’s calibrated so that to succeed you always need to be playing at the edge of your abilities. To make progress, you need to continuously get better.
Feedback and rewards. the games let you know right away when you accomplish a task or reach a goal. This lets you measure your progress and skill level.
Competition. This is the ultimate measure of mastery. Can you beat the game, other players, or your previous high score? It feels great to succeed.
Failure. We all hate to lose. We know that if we try again we can do better. Get to the next level. Finish higher on the leaderboard. Win the game.
So, now that you know this, how do you harness this powerful drive to become a better parent?
Here’s how: you don’t just blame the video game programmers for making the games so alluring and call it a day.
You recognize that the pursuit of mastery is a powerful human drive and you look for ways to support, encourage, and incorporate the pursuit of mastery into other areas of your kids’ lives so that video games aren’t the only place where they feel that kind of success.
Mastery of anything requires hard work, overcoming challenges, and dealing with setback…critical life skills they’ll use for the rest of their lives. It also develops self-confidence.
And the things your kids have a sense of mastery over?
They become cornerstones of their identities:
I’m a soccer player.
I’m a musician.
I’m a good student.
We witnessed this first hand with our kids.
Two of our sons wrestled in high school.
And they loved it.
But they also hated it.
They hated the practices - some of which were so hard they’d throw up.
They hated having to make weight and not being able to eat what they wanted.
And they hated losing - which happened a lot that first season.
So why did they stick with it?
Because they loved the way it made them feel.
Lets look back at the list of techniques video game designers use to keep us playing.
Challenges
Increasing difficulty
Feedback and rewards
Competition
Failure
All of those things were there for our sons in wrestling. And it was those same things that kept them at it.
They loved getting better - and proving it to themselves on the mat by winning more and more as their skills increased. Their struggles and accomplishments helped shape their identities like this:
“I’m a wrestler and I’m good at it.”
“I’m strong and tough.”
“I’m doing something most kids can’t do.”
“I’m not a quitter. Even when things are tough or I lose.”
And those pieces of their identities are still there more than 10 years later. Our youngest son was talking to us just last week about being a wrestler and how the experiences he had helped him start his own business.
Most kids have lots of interests.
Which ones are they deliberately trying to get better at? Which ones do they excitedly talk about?
Do they tell you about a new song they learned to play?
A picture they drew?
A new trick on their bike or skateboard?
A story they wrote?
A subject they’re passionate about?
As a parent you have the power to help your kids find and pursue things they find meaningful. The pursuit of mastery will enrich their lives, develop their character, and help them live their best lives.
Harness this powerful drive. Support them in developing mastery in something. Don’t let them waste it on just video games.
Home practice:
You pursue mastery too, whether you call it that or not. What are you trying to get better at? Make time to practice this week and talk to your kids about it.
Identify a few of your kid’s pursuits that you could support. Choose one and take a concrete step that helps them move toward mastery.
Is your kid already pursuing mastery of something? Pick one of the techniques video game designers use to keep people playing and see if you can incorporate it into your kids practice to increase their motivation.
What’s your go-to technique to engage your kids interest in something? Let us know in the comments!
Frosty February Dawn
