How to have healthy expectations, How to have a great (Easter) weekend, and a super-cute rabbit.
The Art and Science of Parenting #6
By: Glenn Collins and Catherine Lynch
Dear awesome parent,
Has your kid disappointed you recently? Here's an article about healthy expectations that will help you worry less, have happier kids, and feel confident about their future successful launch. You're welcome. : )
How to have healthy expectations
Have you ever had expectations of your kid that they haven’t met? Where you end up frustrated and they end up unhappy? If you’re anything like us, it’s happened a lot.
Expectations and kids just go together. From the moment they arrive we start forming expectations. How they’ll behave, what they’ll be interested in, and how they’ll develop. Even if we think we shouldn’t, we have expectations about the person they’ll grow up to be, what they’ll believe, and the kind of life they’ll choose to live. It’s just part of being a parent.
Which expectations are truly important for creating happy, healthy adults, and which ones should we just drop? Which expectations are actually important and which ones are just society’s expectations?
These are questions that every parent has to grapple with – and unfortunately there is no single easy right answer. It’s a balancing act where we have to juggle a whole host of factors that are unique to each kid, each parent, each family, and each situation.
While there’s no one size fits all answer, there are questions and frameworks parents can apply to clarify decision making about their expectations.
Have a clear End in Mind for your kid and a list of values, skills, mindsets, and habits that you feel will best help them get there. This list will help you decide what to prioritize and where to draw your lines in the sand - where it’s important to stand firm on your expectations.
Ask these questions: “Who’s it for? What’s it for?” Seth Godin uses these questions in marketing, and here we apply them to our expectations for our kids. They help us clarify why we have the expectations we do and who they benefit, which helps us decide if our expectations are reasonable and valid.
Meet them where they are. Are your expectations realistic for your kids’ physical, mental, and emotional development? How about their level of executive function (EF)? Do they have a special need that makes some expectations unrealistic?
By no means exhaustive, these questions and frameworks will help you focus on the expectations that are most important. Remember, your kids have the best chance of meeting your expectations when they’re clear, consistent, and up-to-date.
Your Challenge: Identify and clarify your expectations for your kids with your spouse/parenting partner. Here’s some areas you might choose to examine: academics, character, family contributions.
Extra credit: Your kids never stop watching you, so are your expectations congruent with your own actions? If not, is there a valid reason for the difference, and does your kid see that reason as valid?
And now for something a little lighter:
Obligatory super-cute rabbit photo. Because: Easter
How to have a nice Easter weekend, whether you celebrate or not:
Don’t overbook yourself.
2 events are better than 3 events.
One event is even better.
Assume other people are competent.
Give advice only when asked.
Do something satisfying just for yourself.
Preferably, as early in the day as possible.
Sunrise over Live Oak Pond
Because hobbies are important and there’s more to life than work and parenting 😉