How to raise tough kids, part 4, an invitation to the Parenting Mastermind, and a rare cloud.
3 Pillars Parent Newsletter #23
By Glenn Collins and Catherine Lynch
Do you know someone who complains their kids are wimpy? Forward this to them:
What’s up with us:
💌 We apologize! We accidentally sent you an old newsletter a few days ago as we were moving our newsletters to our new publishing platform. Sorry about that!
🧠 We’re opening up our Parenting Mastermind to new members for our fall semester. Scroll down for the full announcement.
How Angela Duckworth teaches her kids Grit
Have you ever wondered what sets high achievers apart from everyone else? Why some people consistently achieve their goals while others don’t? How some people are living their dreams, while others seem doomed to a life of struggle?
We’re sure you want your kids to reach their dreams and achieve their goals, so the answer to these questions is crucial. Fortunately, we don’t have to do the research to figure it out.
Angela Duckworth, a psychology researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, has spent her career trying to answer these questions. What all of her research has led her to is simple: high achievers have grit.
But her definition of grit is a bit different than what most people think of when they hear the term. To most people, grit means the ability to keep going despite setbacks. To get up, dust yourself off, and get back to it after a setback. Again. And again. And again. Until the job is done.
That’s certainly an important part of Dr. Duckworth’s definition of grit, but her definition also includes passion. Her research has shown that the top performers in any field pair perseverance with a passion for what they’re doing.
Grit = Passion + Perseverance
So, how does Dr. Duckworth apply her findings about grit to her own family and kids? They follow this simple rule: Everyone in the family has to be engaged in a “Hard Thing”. For her and her husband, it’s their work. For their kids, it has to be a pursuit where they’re actively and conscientiously trying to improve their skills. There has to be an element of deliberate practice involved. It can’t be something they’re doing “just for fun”.
Because kids are still trying to figure out what they like, her kids get to choose what the hard thing is. If they don’t like it, they’re allowed to switch to something else. But, and this is important, they can’t just quit. They have to finish out the enrollment period before they’re allowed to switch to something else.
There’s a lot we really like about Dr. Duckworth’s “Hard Thing” rule. It brings together several powerful parenting concepts that have a positive impact on kids.
Leadership: The parents set high expectations - the kids must do a hard thing - but they’re leading by example because they have to do a hard thing too.
Belonging: Everyone in the family has to do a hard thing, parents included. This emphasizes “we”. We’re all doing hard things.
Identity: It’s what we do in this family.“We do hard things.” And “I have grit. I can do hard things.”
Agency: The kids get to choose their hard thing. And they get to change it if they don’t like it. This gives them a say in their own lives.
Fun: By letting the kids choose the hard thing and change if they don’t like it, the parents are giving them the best chance of finding something they can enjoy doing. That they can develop a passion for.
Competence: Requiring the “Hard Thing” to be something that has to be deliberately practiced guarantees that skill and competence are developed.
Confidence: Working hard and acquiring skills at something helps kids have confidence in themselves and their abilities.
If you’d like to hear Dr. Duckworth talk about her family's “Hard Thing” rule, here’s a short video:
Opportunity:
Got an awesome group of parents you can lean on when the going gets tough? We hope you do. But if you don’t, if you’re feeling isolated or stuck, consider joining ours.
The fall semester of The Parenting Mastermind begins Thursday, September 1st. Enrollment is open for the next two weeks and we hope you’ll consider joining us.
Imagine this:
Your kid goes from failing school to Honor Roll and acceptance into college.
Your kid goes from isolating in her room to eating dinner with you and going to movies.
Your kid goes from ignoring your new spouse to enjoying spending time with them.
These things actually happened to parents in our last Parenting Mastermind. Your family could be next.
If your kid is on the failing/isolating/ignoring end of the spectrum, the Parenting Mastermind will help you turn that around.
What’s a mastermind? It’s a small, committed group of people who come together with a common goal of learning and growing together in a particular area of study. Think of it like continuing ed credits, but better because it’s A LOT more fun.
Our Parenting Mastermind has 2 parts: Book Club and Coaching Corner.
The Book Club is new. Using these 4 books, (one per month) we’ll discuss the main ideas, apply them to parenting our kids, and discuss our results. The topics - Leadership, Motivation, Connection, and Grit are classic and will serve you and your family no matter how old your kids are.
Here’s a list of the books we’ll review:
Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown
Turn the ship around by David Marquet
Don’t have time to read a book? Don’t worry, you don’t have to. We’ll provide links to short summaries, Ted Talks, and podcasts that discuss the main points; and we’ll summarize the most important parts for you.
The Coaching Corner: We’ve been running the Parenting Mastermind for over 2 years now, and our students tell us the best part is the Coaching Corner: Each week, one parent presents their parenting challenge to the group. The group shares their wisdom, helps each other see blind spots, and cheers each other on.
“Thank you for these new tools for my toolbox. Thank you for your wisdom. I can’t wait to try it out.” JS
-Thats what one parent said recently at the end of our hour together.
This might be for you if:
You’d love to have a better relationship with your kid, age 5-25
You think you would benefit from hearing different perspectives on your parenting challenges.
You feel alone and would love to be part of a small group of parents who are committed to each others’ growth as parents.
You want to parent differently from the way your parents did catch yourself doing some of the same things.
What do you get?
Discussion and home practices that will challenge you to take your parenting to the next level.
Access to other eager, growth-oriented parents who are constantly striving to get better.
A community of like minded parents who are committed to showing up, making changes and seeing results.
You’ll be joining a small group of parents who are committed to their own continuing education in parenting. There will be a minimum of 6 students and a maximum of 12, so you’re guaranteed a small, group experience. You’re welcome and encouraged to bring your spouse or parenting partner, and the two of you count as one.
The details:
We’ll meet 10-11am EST on Thursdays, 9/1 thru 12/15 via zoom. If there’s enough interest, we’ll have an evening session too. We don’t meet on Thanksgiving. 🦃
Cost: $200
Want to see if this is for you? Join us for the next two weeks for a free trial! Here's the link to join us at 10am EST on Aug 18th and 25th.
Questions?
Shoot us an email. We’ll get back to you within a few hours.
An Iridescent Pileus cloud
A storm was on its way. Lightening was flashing and thunder was rumbling. We could see the clouds coming from the west. But there was something strange above the thunderhead. Something wispy and colorful. I zoomed in and took a picture.
Some sleuthing on the internet turned up that I’d taken a picture of a Pileus cloud. Also know as a scarf or cap cloud, Pileus clouds are created by strong updrafts in Cumulus or Cumulonimbus clouds that push warm moist air high into the atmosphere where it cools to its dew point and a the Pileus cloud forms. Usually short lived, they’re often associated with severe weather.