Journaling will make you a wiser, happier parent.

Here’s how to do it even if you have no time and your kids are nosy.

Parenting Matters #63

By: Catherine Lynch and Glenn Collins

Dear Awesome Parent,

Journaling is popular for a reason - it makes you wiser and happier. But you haven’t started. Or you started and quit. You have great excuses: you’re too busy and your kids are nosy. Yes, I know. That happened to me too. I fixed that and you can too.

Journaling: The busy parent’s best hack for personal growth, happier kids, and a easier life.

But first, the backstory:

It was 2008. Within the last 12 months, I’d gotten married, bought another house, taken on a second job, and adopted 2 more kids, bringing the total number to 5. On the popular Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale… well, let’s just say I got a high score. I didn’t have the time, money, or inclination to get professional help for my stress, so I did what had worked in the past - I expressed myself in my journal. It worked then, so it should work now, right?

Well, yes and no. Julia Cameron, author of the very popular Artist’s Way, wrote a very convincing chapter about writing Morning Pages.  In a nutshell, she advises people to write three pages every morning, stream of consciousness. Longhand.

So I tried it it.  (This was back in the 90’s) And I noticed  a curious and wonderful thing. Drumroll please: When I journal regularly, my life went more smoothly. There was less drama. More happy.

That was great, but that was before I had 5 kids, 2 jobs, and a husband. Something had to change. I still wanted the benefits I got from journaling, but there was obviously no way I was going to write 3 pages longhand every morning. Before I tell you what I figured out, lets talk about why it works. Why journaling make your life run more smoothly.

Here’s my current understanding: When you write, you’re creating a bridge from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind. Your creative ideas, your wisdom, heck, even the red flags your subconscious noted but you missed - they’re all available to the conscious mind and now you can work with them.

I noticed I could see probable events coming from farther away and had more time to deal with them. There were fewer surprises and I made better decisions. It would be a stretch to say I could see into the future, but I could see what was likely. I could see more possibilities when I journaled than when I didn’t.

Analogy: When driving, its waaaay better to see something in the road far up ahead and have time to safely slow down instead of seeing it at the last second, throwing on the breaks, swerving, and over reacting.

Anyway, life was good with journaling, but I still had three problems:

1. I worried that someone (like my husband or my kids) would read my journal and be offended. So I hid it.  Really well. And then sometimes I couldn’t find it. 😂

2. I worried I’d forget to write important thoughts and great ideas because my brain raced far ahead of my pen.

3. I worried I would forget to do the important things I’d thought of.

Friends, I am pleased to announce that I completely solved all of these problems. Here’s how: I now write only the first letter of the word I want to write. For 5 or 10 minutes. Any time of day. And it still works. Really. That’s all.

This solved all three problems: Nosy family members, losing my journal, and writing too slowly. And yes, it did take a little while for my brain and my hand to get used to this new way of doing it. And no, it doesn’t bother me in the least that I can’t read what I’ve written. Because that’s not the point. It’s not for rereading. It’s for letting things in your subconscious mind drift up to the surface where you can look at it, deal with it, and learn from it. When the unconscious is still unconscious, you can’t do anything with it. It’s an unknown unknown. But when it’s conscious, you have the power to do something about it.

Here’s the benefits of writing just the first letter of each word:

• No one else can read it.  Not my spouse, not my kids, not even the police.  Which means I don’t have to hide it. Which also solves the problem of not being able to find it after I’ve hidden it. 😂

• My pen can keep up with my brain.  I can catch every single thought now. The good ones don’t get away!

• I don’t lose important ideas. When I think of something important I need to remember for later, I write the whole word or phrase and circle it, so I can find it later.

Here’s the step-by-step version of how to get the benefits of journaling when you don’t even have time to take a shower:

Mindset: Forget everything you read about writing out 3 pages longhand. That’s for people who don’t have kids. Journaling when you have kids is a very different thing. When I figured this out, I had 4 teens in the house, a husband, and 2 jobs.

Step 1: Make sure you have scraps of paper and pens or pencils in every room of your house, all your purses, and all the cars you drive. Yes, really. Preparation is key.

Step 2: Make a list of words people write that have acronyms, or just copy these: “Thank you” becomes TY.  “Good morning” becomes GM. “Talk to you later” becomes TTYL. You probably know these too: LOL. LMAO. Good. Now you’re ready to move on whole sentences.

Step 3: Write this sentence. “ I love my kids.” Then write the first letter of each word of the sentence you just wrote. If you’re following my directions you will write the letters ILMK. Write a few more short, positive sentences, then write them again, but just write the first letter of each word. For example, “I love my house" becomes ILMH. “My kids are sweet” becomes MKAS. This will feel very awkward but keep at it. You can do this. Practice it several times a day, for several days, and it will start to feel more normal.

Step 4: Now think of something that’s true for you, but would be unacceptable to say in public and write that - but not in words, in first letters only. So for example,“Sometimes my kids drive me nuts and I can’t stand being around them. I need some time alone.” becomes SMKDMNAICSBAT.INSTA. Write more sentences like that.

Step 5:  Congratulations! You now know how to write quickly because you’re short on time. And you don’t have to waste time hiding your journal and looking for it, because no one can read what you wrote.

Step 6: Look for tiny amounts of time in your day when you can write your acronym-style sentences on a scrap of paper or notebook you keep in your purse or in your car. For example, when you’re waiting in line to pick up your kid at school. Or waiting in line at the bank. Or even in the bathroom. 😉

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A Newly Molted Dot-Lined White Moth

Out on our evening walk, a flash of white caught Catherine’s eye. When we went to investigate we saw this furry little moth. It was so newly emerged from its cocoon that it’s wings hadn’t expanded to their full size yet.