The 3 Pillars Parent Framework: It will make your life So. Much. Easier.
The 3 Pillars Parent Framework: It will make your life So. Much. Easier.
3 Pillars Parent Newsletter #34
By: Glenn Collins and Catherine Lynch
The 3 Pillars Parent Framework
We all want our kids to thrive - to be successful, happy, and fulfilled in their lives.
But how do we help them achieve that?
Here at 3 Pillars Parent we have a core belief that an intentional approach to parenting that focuses on the growth of kids and parents creates happier families, thriving kids, and future successful adults. An approach grounded on the belief that a great parent-child relationship is the foundation of parenting that helps kids realize their full potential and live their best lives.
From that core belief, we’ve created the 3 Pillars framework to help parents:
Articulate their vision for their kids’ future.
Decide what’s truly important to focus on.
Define the values, skills, and mindsets that will help their kids thrive.
Incorporate those elements into their family culture.Create a great relationship with their kids.
Put the fun and joy back into being a parent.
The 3 Pillars Framework
Start with the end in mind. Have a clear vision for the kind of person you want your kid to grow up to be, and know what values, habits, and life skills are most likely to get them there. An End in Mind simplifies many parenting challenges, because the answer to “Does this parenting action or choice support my parenting goals?” clarifies many parenting questions and situations.
Create your family culture. The culture you create in your home - the norms and values - has a profound effect on how your kids develop and how easy or hard parenting is. It affects how much conflict you have, how much fun you have, and how connected they feel to you and to each other. When the family culture reflects your End in Mind, it does much of the heavy lifting in making that goal a reality.
Prioritize your relationship with your kids. A good relationship is your biggest parenting asset and is the foundation of great parenting. It allows you to parent with more confidence, more joy, and less worry. It builds memories, goodwill and makes life easier and more fun for both you and your kids. When you have a positive relationship with your kids, they’re more likely to adopt the family culture you’re creating. This in turn will help your “End in Mind” become a reality.
How do the 3 Pillars work together?
The 3 pillars don’t stand in isolation, but instead work together, each supporting the others as they help you move towards your End in Mind for your kids.
Starting with the End in Mind gives your parenting a goal and a direction. It clarifies what is important and allows you to consciously decide on what to emphasize in your family culture.
A clear and consistent family culture that reflects your End in Mind builds in what you consider important and goes a long way towards instilling the values, skills, and mindsets that you feel are critical and want your kids to adopt.
Prioritizing your relationship makes it more likely that your kids will embrace the family culture and internalize the values, habits, and mindsets you feel will be most beneficial to them in life. That will help them reach your End in Mind.
What’s the foundation that supports the 3 pillars?
You are. You, the parent. The one who has an End in Mind and parents on purpose. The one who leads by example. The one who makes the decisions, organizes daily life, and sets expectations. The one who creates opportunities for meaningful experiences, interactions, and growth.
Who’s in charge of taking care of you? Hopefully, your partner. Ideally, an entire village. Ultimately, though, the buck stops with you. You are the one who has to take care of yourself. Only when you take care of yourself is it possible to be the best parent you can be. Stay tuned… we can help you with that!
Home Practice/Parenting convo to have with your partner:
What is your End in Mind, anyway?
Most people say some version of “My kid will turn into a happy, healthy, successful, contributing adult.”
What’s your vision for your kids’ future? What values, skills, mindsets, and habits do you think are important for them to learn to get them there?
Extra credit if you and your parenting partner both have the same End in Mind for your kid : )
Extra extra credit if you make it an on-going conversation about what constitutes happy, healthy and successful. Or whatever your End in Mind is.
Double Rainbow
“Come quick, there’s a rainbow over the lake!” Catherine’s mother said. We grabbed our phones and ran down. It was even better than we’d expected. A full arch over the trees and another reflected in the water.