The Wish List

Your secret weapon to tame your kids’ “I WANT...”

Parenting Matters #90

By: Catherine Lynch and Glenn Collins

Dear Awesome Parent,

Black Friday just passed, and the holiday season is officially in full swing. That means you’re super busy and your kids are laser-focused on presents.

“Daddy I want…”

“Mommy I need….”

“Will you buy me….”

How many times have you heard this from your kids? LOL, more times than you can count! Your kids know it’s gift giving season and the “I wants” are in overdrive. You can’t take them anywhere without hearing about all the things they need.

What’s a parent to do? If you say “Yes” to every request you’d be broke and your house would be bursting at the seams. If you simply say “No" all the time, you have to deal with the tantrums, begging, and hurt feelings.

Is there another way? Oh yes, there is.

We thought we were being original when we started using this method, but since them we’ve read about lots of other parents doing it too.

But before we get to how to manage the “I wants”, let’s talk about your mindset.  As annoying and frustrating as it can be, the barrage of wants isn’t just another thing to get through. It’s opportunity to strengthen the connection with your kid. Yes, you read that right. Every time your kid demands something, you have yet another beautiful chance to strengthen your relationship. Or hurt it. We realize you can’t take every opportunity they give you, but take as many as you can.

Here’s how to deal with your kid’s pleas for stuff:

• Acknowledge they want the thing.

• Acknowledge how much fun it would be to play with.

• Give them time to tell you how cool/wonderful/amazing it is and how much they want it.

• Assure them you’ll consider this as one of their presents next time its gift-giving time. (Because this approach doesn’t just apply to the current holiday season.)

• Prove it by putting it on your list.

It might go something like this:

Your kid: “I want…”

You: “That’s so cool! You’d have so much fun playing with that! You really want it, don’t you?!”

Your kid: (Going on and on about how much fun is and why they need it.)

You: (Listening)

You: “I’m going to put that on my list of things you want for Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Kwanza/your birthday.” (And then actually put it on your list. We use the notes app on our phones.)

If that seems like too much work, compare it to how much time it takes for the tantrum, bad feelings, and poor mood to pass if you just say “No”.

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“You don’t get everything you want” is a life lesson every kid needs learn. And rest assured, they will learn it. But there are better ways for them to learn it than hearing “No” from you all the time. Especially if you’re impatient. Because how they feel matters.

When you say “No” or something similar, especially if you’re curt or irritated, you’re not just saying “No”. You’re also sending the message that what’s important to them isn’t important to you. That what they want and how they feel doesn’t matter. Because, make no mistake, no matter how trivial or stupid you think the thing they want is, it’s very important to them in that moment.

Will they be disappointed that you didn’t buy them the thing? Sure, but in reality you’re giving them something far more important: your attention and respect. Even if they don’t appreciate it at the time. 😂

So what about those things on your kid’s wish list? Buy some of them at gift giving time. Otherwise, they’ll eventually see through your “I’ll put it on the list” as just a sneaky way for you to say “No”, and they’ll lose trust and respect for you.

Got a great tip to share on how to deal with the constant pleas for more stuff? Please share it!

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Whenever you're ready, here’s how we can help you:

Are you a parent struggling with your kid's device use, or any other aspect of parenting tweens and teens? Book a free half-hour call HERE and we’ll give you actionable strategies you can put in place immediately to bring peace and harmony back to your family.

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Thanksgiving Cactus

One of our Christmas cactuses (cacti???) blooms every year around Thanksgiving. This year it timed things perfectly - the first flower was out Thanksgiving morning. For a week or so it’ll bless us with these magnificent magenta flowers.