Fun is the Secret Sauce: Self Care, Part 5. You are your kid's cheerleader, and a new kitten.

Feb 05, 2023

3 Pillars Parent Newsletter #48

By: Catherine Lynch and Glenn Collins

Dear Awesome Parent,

You need more fun! How do we know? Because we need more fun too! Welcome to Self Care, Part 5: Fun is the Secret Sauce 😎 (Links to the first 4 Self Care articles are at the bottom of the article.)

And a hearty WELCOME to all you new folks! We’re thrilled you’re here. Got parenting questions or comments on our articles? We love to chat. Sign up on our Calendly link right here for a half hour convo about anything parenting that’s on your mind.

Fun is the secret sauce.

When was the last time you had fun? Was it today? Last weekend? Can’t remember? Not that 2 minute cat video you watched by yourself at lunch, but real, live actual fun with other people…

If you’re anything like us, there’s always a ton of stuff to do and never enough hours to get it all done. Making time for fun seems like an indulgence you just can’t justify. There are so many things that need to get done. Unfinished work you brought home, dinner, laundry, taking the kids somewhere, etc.... It’s all just so important.

We’ll let you in on a secret: fun is the secret sauce. Read that again, my friends: Fun is the secret sauce you’ve been looking for. When you make a point to incorporate it into your life, all of the other parts work so much better. In fact, fun is the antidote to stress. It gets you out of the fight-or-flight state that makes ordinary problems seem huge and unsolvable, and back into a calmer and more relaxed state where life just flows so. much. better.

When there’s fun in your life, you’re more intelligent, more creative, and better able to solve the continual stream of challenges that come your way. Including, of course, the parenting challenges.

It seems counterintuitive, but making time for fun actually makes your life run more smoothly. You’re in a better place mentally, emotionally, and physically to accomplish all the things, and do them better.

Fun does Double-Duty

Fun is an important part of self-care for you, but it’s also critical in creating a good connection with your kids. Fun (and it’s cousins - play, laughter, joy, silliness, and delight) releases feel-good hormones and endorphins, which play (no pun intended) an important role in connection. Think about it: who do you like to spend time with? People who are fun to be with or, people who are serious all the time? Your kids are no different. Have more fun, and watch the connection with all your loved ones get stronger.

When fun is part of your life, it makes you more enjoyable to be around - and that improves your connection with those around you. As an added bonus, when you include your kids in the fun, it supercharges your connection with them.

Fun is a state of mind. Having fun is not just about planned activities, but about opening yourself up to the possibilities for fun that come your way. So by all means plan for fun as a way to make sure it happens, but be open to the opportunities for fun that spontaneously occur. When you create it on the spur of the moment, or joyfully participate in someone else’s spontaneous fun.

Your weekly challenge - Fun!

Challenge #1

Come up with an easy way to have more fun today and everyday! Start small, plan it, and tell your family what you’re doing and be open to them wanting to join you, which of course boosts your connection with them. If you’re feeling brave, write FUN on a post it note and stick it to your fridge where you’ll see it often.

Challenge #2

Plan a fun or enjoyable activity with someone in your life who you want to strengthen your connection with. Make sure it’s something both of you want to do and will enjoy. (Hint: Something involving a favorite food is usually a good bet :-) )

Challenge #3

Look for ways to have spontaneous fun everyday. Remember: Fun can be found where there’s play, joy, laughter, silliness, delight, and surprise.

Pro Tip: Involve your kids in brainstorming and planning ways to have more fun. The more they contribute to the process, the more likely they’ll participate in the fun.

As always, change your mindset, then take action!

For you new folks who just recently joined us, here’s the first 4 articles in our Self Care Series. Just click the links below.

Self Care Part 1: Self Care Soothes your Body, Mind, and Spirit

Self Care Part 2: Your Spiritual Practice

Self Care Part 3: You need a Hobby.

Self Care Part 4: You Need Friends and Community

“That’ll never work!”

We were at the playground with our grandkids and overheard this remark from a father sitting near us. He was talking to his son, who looked to be about 5. He had been jumping from the slightly raised border of a play area, trying to make it past a mark he’d drawn on the ground. He’d tried many times and kept coming up short.

To get more distance, he decided that he needed a running start. His plan, as he explained to his father with great animation, was to back up about 20 feet, run to the border, jump onto it, run along it, and then make his jump. That’s when the dad made his “That’ll never work!” remark. His son, looking crushed, decided he didn’t want to jump anymore and went to play somewhere else.

Having casually observed the son’s jumping, we also thought that his plan probably wouldn’t work. But so what? The plan wasn’t dangerous. The worst that would’ve happened was that he fell down - and that happens all the time anyway. Or, he might have made it, and had the thrill of knowing his plan worked.

No matter what happened though, he would have been carrying out a plan he came up with. That he was enthusiastic about. And he would have learned something. About his body. About the surfaces he was navigating. About how the world works. About his ability to make a plan and follow through.

All of that got short-circuited by his father’s careless “That’ll never work!” A fun activity with an opportunity to learn by doing - and maybe even accomplish something significant - turned instead into bad feelings and loss of interest. He went from being excited and having fun to dejected and done with it. All in an instant. All because of a thoughtless comment by his father.

Parents have a ridiculous amount of power. When a parent says “You can’t do that”, “You’ll never be X”, or “That’ll never work!” It has a tremendous impact on what their kids believe is achievable. It chips away at their belief in themselves. At their confidence that they can accomplish things. At the very idea of what’s possible for their lives.

Kids’ confidence in themselves, their willingness to explore, to try new things, to take risks, is grounded in their parents' belief in them.

Parents play lots of roles: caregiver, teacher, role-model, and disciplinarian, to name just a few. However, one of a parent’s most critical roles is cheerleader. A supporter of their kids’ goals, dreams, and plans. When a parent believes in their child and cheers them on, there is no limit to what they can achieve.

If you want your kids to have big dreams - and go after them - you have to support their small dreams, even if it’s just jumping all the way to a line they drew in the dirt.

The truth is we’ve all said things like this. (We certainly have!) Sometimes they just pop out without us thinking about it. Or we say something, thinking it means one thing, and our kids hear something entirely different. And that’s OK, as long as it’s just occasionally. Problems arise when it becomes the norm. That’s when it undercuts their belief in themselves. In their ability to make things happen in their lives.

So what are some supportive things this dad could have said instead?

“Wow! That sounds like a great plan. I can’t wait to see you try it.”
“Great idea! I want to try that too.”
“Fantastic. I’ll mark how far you jump.”
“Go for it! I’m watching.”

Home Cheerleading Practice:

Think about the activities your kid loves and brainstorm 3 different things you can say or do to show your enthusiasm next time they’re telling you what they’re interested in or showing you something that’s grabbed their attention. If you’re feeling especially brave, write CHEERLEADER on a post-it note and stick it to your fridge or somewhere you’ll see it often.

Meet Skipper, A New Addition to Our Extended Family

The sign in the yard two doors up from my parents’ house said “Free Young Female Cat” so we went to take a look, fell in love, and brought her home. Upon closer examination, she turned out to be a boy. 😂