Getting your kid their first smart phone?
Don’t make it a Christmas Day surprise. Here’s why:
Parenting Matters #93
By: Catherine Lynch and Glenn Collins
Dear Awesome Parent,
It’s almost Christmas and every kid we know wants a smart phone; either their first, or an upgrade.
If you’re giving in and getting your kid their first phone, we’ve got a few ideas on how to make it less traumatic and more rewarding for everyone.
And if your kid’s getting an upgrade, now’s a good time to revisit your device policy. Don’t have one? We’ve got you covered.
Some of our suggestions might seem counter to the holiday spirit, but they’ll make your life, and your kid’s, better in the long run, so let’s jump in.
Getting your kid their first smart phone is a transformative experience. Both for your kid, and for your entire family.
ARE YOU READY?
Are you prepared for the changes a phone will create in your kid’s behavior?
Or its effect on your relationship with them?
The phone will become your kid’s constant companion. Their new best friend. Their go-to activity. Through it they’ll have access to all that the internet has to offer - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Smart phones are addictive - even for adults. They’re made that way on purpose by engineers who know what they’re doing. No kid is equipped to resist their temptations. If you buy them a phone, hand it over, and expect them to magically self-regulate… well, that’s just not going to happen. Kids need structure around smart phone usage, otherwise they’ll default to it at every opportunity for entertainment and stimulation. Given free rein, they’ll choose it over homework, chores, food, sleep, and even interaction with you.
Yes, really!
So here are 4 tips to make your kid’s transition to smart phone owner smoother for everyone. Because the holidays are supposed to be a time of peace and joy, not drama and meltdowns over conflicting expectations.
Have a device policy in place. "Clear is kind” says Brené Brown, and a good device policy spells out the rules, responsibilities, and consequences for your kid’s device use. That way everyone knows what’s expected of them. If you already have a device policy, this is a good time to review it with everyone. If you don’t, Here’s Our Guide for how to create one. Note: The best time to create and/or clarify your device policy is BEFORE your kid gets a smart phone, not after they’ve picked up bad habits and are driving you nuts. 🤪😳😂 The next best time? Right Now!
Be stricter than you think you need to be. This one comes from a teacher friend of ours with more than 25 yeas of experience. She told us “Be strict at the beginning of the year. You can always loosen your rules later. Nobody ever complains about that. But once you’ve given them privileges, it’s very hard to go back and make things more restrictive. There’s always resistance and bad feelings.” The same thing applies to your rules around cell phones.
Don’t make it a surprise. We all love to see the joy on our kids’ faces when we surprise them with a great gift. It’s one of the best parts of the holidays for a parent. But if the surprise is a phone, they won’t know your expectations for how and when they can use it. On the other hand, if it’s not a surprise, you can set expectations ahead of time for how much/when they can use it and for what activities. The more talking and clear communication you have with your kid beforehand, the smoother the transition will go.
Give it to them BEFORE the big present opening event. Again, we know this goes against holiday gift-giving traditions, but here’s why: If you give a them phone at the same time they’re opening other presents, all those other gifts will get almost no attention and the gift-givers might get their feelings hurt. More importantly, they’ll want to use it right away, and in the chaos of the day you’ll be less able to monitor their usage and start good habits. It’s better to give it to them when you’re not distracted by the million others things that need your attention at a holiday gathering.
There you go!
Need help putting a device policy together?
Or maybe you’ve already got device challenges?
We’ll help you solve them. Sign up here for a free half hour consultation.
Are you an experienced parent and you have tips for how to navigate this? Leave you tips in the comments!
Whenever you're ready, here’s how we can help you:
Are you a parent struggling with your kid's device use, or any other aspect of parenting tweens and teens? Book a free half-hour call HERE and we’ll give you actionable strategies you can put in place immediately to bring peace and harmony back to your family.
Anniversary Sunset
On our way home from our anniversary trip to the beach we were treated to this spectacular sunset. (Yes, we got married in December, and yes we often go to the beach to celebrate 😊)
Loved that anniversary sunset Catherine and Glenn!