What's the key to your kid's online safety?
Hint: it's not government regulation
Parenting Matters #101
By: Catherine Lynch and Glenn Collins
Dear Awesome Parent,
Who cares more about your kid’s online safety: you, or these guys?
As you probably know, on January 31st, the United States Senate’s Judiciary Committee held hearings on proposed legislation designed to protect children from online dangers. Called to testify where the CEOs of X (formerly Twitter), Meta (Facebook and Instagram), Snapchat, TikTok, and Discord. Of course there was an element of political theater to the hearing with lots of grandstanding by the senators, but we applaud our government's attempts to make the social media companies do a better job of shielding our children from potentially harmful content. There’s no question the tech companies should do more.
Anxiety and depression are climbing among kids today. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that nearly one third (31.9%) of all teens have some kind of anxiety disorder. Research points to social media use as a significant contributing factor, especially for girls. We all know that kids’ social media feeds can expose them to harmful content about eating disorders, self-harm, hate, and violence. And the strangers they interact with can bully them or target them for sexploitation. These dangers and others, cause very real harm to lots of kids.
That’s something we should all be concerned about. And the more barriers the government can force the big tech companies to put between our kids and harmful content, the better. BUT let’s get real here. We all know that no government regulation or law is going to keep kids away from inappropriate online content. If they really want access to it, they’ll find a way. Or their friends will show it to them. The truth is, one way or another, your kids are going to encounter online content you’d rather they didn’t. If you want to protect your kids, the real safeguards are those you put in place yourself.
And the most important safeguard of all?
Your relationship with your kid.
All the policies and procedures you have concerning devices and online content - the rules, the restrictions, the supervision, the parental controls, the monitoring, the shared accounts, and the discussions. All are important, but they can also all be for naught if you have a poor relationship… and that’s because the real issue you need to be concerned about isn’t really the online content, it’s about who or what has the most influence over your kid’s heart and mind.
Is it you?
Or what they find online?
That’s the real battle.
Who’s your kid listening to?
It needs to be you.
Your best bet against all the internet can offer your kid is a good relationship with you.
There’s no question that your kid is influenced by what they see online. There’s no stopping it and there’s not getting around it. There are powerful forces at work in them as they grow that make them a perfect audience for what the social media algorithms offer up. Their brains are wired to seek novelty and stimulation. They’re figuring out their identity and place in the world. They want to fit in and have status with their peer group. To top it all off, all of that stimulating content is available 24-7 in the palm of their hand.
It can be easy for them fall down a social media rabbit hole where what they’re seeing, feeling, and experiencing online is the most real and important thing in their lives.
What’s a parent to do?
Make sure your relationship is good enough that your influence outweighs the influence of what they’re seeing online.
A good relationship with your kid:
Creates a secure attachment to the family. When your kid is well attached to you and your family, they’re less likely to search online for acceptance and validation. They’re already getting that from you. That leaves them much less vulnerable to dangerous ideas, predators, and poor choices.
Makes them WANT to listen to you. You are a trusted source of support, information, and wisdom, not someone they try to avoid and hide things from.
Keeps the lines of communication open. They’re willing to talk to you. To open up about things that aren troubling them or they have questions about. Including things they see online.
So that leaves us with the $64 Million dollar question: How do you create and maintain a great relationship with your kid?
That’s a huge and complex topic. We could write a book about that and not say it all. But at the same time it’s not rocket science. Love, trust, and respect are at the core of it. Add in empathy, fun, and an understanding of your role and you’re off to a good start. Here are links to some of the articles we’ve written about having a great relationship with your kid:
The Magic 5:1 Relationship Ratio
BEAF: An easy framework for connecting with your kid
How to stay an influencer in your kid’s life
How do you approach keeping your kid safe online? Let us know in the comments!
A Zebra Longwing
